I still have not figured out life yet but I sure did come across some interesting life philosophies - be it Stoicism, Affirmation or whatnot. I take what works for me from the different philosophies and make it mine. I am not quite there yet but at least I am no longer in a dark place. Dark and Troubling things still happen to me but I am learning to observe my emotions instead of immediately acting on them, not 100% all the time though.
I realized that I was immensely hurting from the loss of my mom and that whole experience from the time she was ill to her last moments, I could never go back to my old self again. A part of me died with her. Everything went south ever since then, I made so many rash decisions without taking into consideration how others would feel, I was addicted to whatever brought relief to all the pain that I could not verbalize.
Life is still good no matter how broken I may be inside. I am no princess that needs rescuing, I can do that myself now. I have learned to peacefully let go of people and things that I thought I needed but for some reason can't have. There is no point forcing anything because what's meant for you, no one can take away.
If you are someone that I have badly hurt in the past, apology is not going to undo what I may have done to you however, it's a start. Enough or not, it is a start regardless. Whether you accept it or not, I'm cool with whatever but I am putting it out there that I no longer want to carry around the sheer weight of emotions from my past. The baggage stays here now.
Many blessings to you whoever you may be. Thank you for the time we had together and I wish you a fantastic life ahead.
Peace.
~Written in the year 2020~
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